what a perfectly beastly sunday. ironic hUh, that sundays are supposed to be the epitome of family-gatherings, luncheons, dates, churCh-going..basically, a happy, relaxing day.juz that for me, it's anything but. was supposed to go out with my sis, to get presents(for des and matthew).really impt, coz i'm pretty bz, so's she. but my mom juz spoilt it all, by saying how we're alwaez going out every weekend, that we're alwaez not ironing our clothes(funny hUh, that i alwaez seem to have enough clothes daily?if she doesn't iron, who does? duH.), and that her fren's coming over. like..sO?? got majorly pissed off by her assuming comments, her sacarastic remarks and her attitude. juz now, after i've cleaned my room, ironed my clothes, her fren called and apologised to say she wasn't coming today. and did my mom still let me go out? nOoo...no reasons given. muz be the weather.avoiding her like the plague since lunch,with minimum replies-lacklustre, dull ones.

while ironing, tripped over the wire, and the iron fell. luckily, i moved quickly. but what followed was a resounding "Oui" from none other than my dad who heard the noise. he chided me on being careless, blahblah, expensive iron...anything but ask whether i was injured or not. similar stuff happened before, clumsy me, dropping things, getting injured, but impt qtns are alwaez related to the object, not whether i was actually harmed. was tempted to draw the iron to my hand and test my dad's reply. but i don't wanna incur more doctor's fees for my dad. extra burden to the already burdening me. but i don't blame my dad. difficult children are alwaez irritable to parents.

contemplated bout my existence. am i such a bane to them? perhaps so. it's bad enough if their investment receives no returns, but worser should it plunges into debt. but i have to agree that my attitude's bad. realised that i'm alot more selfish, sacarstic and uncaring then before. but guess what? i enjoy being that. it's tiring to be nice all the time, to be fine-tuned to everyone's needs, to try and be so tolerating, to push oneself to Godly-like behaviour. i may appear cheerful and nice at times, but i've got my own melancholy side, multiple skeletons in my closets, vengeful,jealous rages that're hard to suppress.i hide it from frenz, so i can only put it in words.i don't strive for perfection. my aim is to be normal, not outstanding.the external shine of pOwer is toO much, subtlety is graciously received. but i wonder...what IS normality?