Supposed to be in bed since some time back, but I came crawling back to my laptop when I couldn't fall asleep. Wanted to do so many things but have yet to actually get down to it.. one of my biggest weaknesses is definitely procrastinating. I've got a whole list of bad points but if I should pinpoint it all, I'll definitely be late to wake up tmr morning.

Sitting here, I recall the conversation i had with my buddy on thurs night. I had so many thoughts shooting through my head as he talked, my mind was on overdrive as I sought to capture his words and my thoughts coherently.

Everyone's life is different, some are better-off, some are worse-off. Everyone gets a different life experience, and I'm in no position to judge anyone based on that, I can only judge mine. It gets me thinking about how small my life is, and the way I live my life. Have I been too..idealistic? I remember a past conversation with one of my girlfrens, when I told her that an idealistic life is beautiful, but only in theory and thoughts. Have I been idealistic? Optimistic? Or do I only see and feel the things that are good? No.. that's not it. I'm just naive and choose to only see the good in people. 21 years of blind faith should end sometime. Later or now? Now, I guess. Now would be suitable. I shan't regret the blessed 21 years I've lived - the life of a perpetually happy and trouble-free person. I've been happy, very happy. So many things to be thankful for, and all the blessings I've received. I'm lucky, for sure I am. If I could strand a necklace of pearls, I would have so many small pearl blessings. Maybe if I could grow just abit more, I could learn so much more and start to put in the big pearls.

It's late and I have many more thoughts, but I'll keep them with me for just awhile longer. Until it bubbles over, I'll keep filling it up.

Can a realist also be a pure optimist? I wonder how that person would end up. At least that would give me some direction to my meaningless life.

Labels: the life of a void